Days 76-90

OK, so there is no excuse good enough to cover the fact that I haven't blogged in 2 weeks.  Basically, life has gotten slightly out of order.  I am still 99% in the challenge, just missing the journal entries.  I shouldn't have ever made it a rule.  I am awful at it.  Jenny had a  great idea.  She emails herself these little messages and notes from the day every day and then compiles them into an entry weeks later.  That sounds great, but I don't have a fancy phone and everytime I get on the computer it either attracts the kids attention or I am engulfed into the Facebook/Pinterest hole and next thing I know the kids are awake. 

Basically, I have been reading my Bible reading plan 4-7 days/week.  I am offering my days to God in the mornings, 2-7 days/week, I am going to bed with a clean kitchen 7/7 days/week and I am yelling at my kids 3-7 days/week.  (Somehow, when I put this on paper, it doesn't look like I am doing all that well)  I am not giving up, I have 11 more days to kill it!!  We are going to the beach and sleeping in a hotel room with two kids for 5 days, we are going out with a bang!!

So, I am going to finish this challenge, I will not give up.  Even if it lookds like I am not here, I am. I am here, tired actually exhausted, trying to survive in this house with two kids who are pushing the limits of my sanity everyday!!

Prayers needed!

Saturday, day 75

Somehow, I think my kids are feeding off of my bad mood due to hormones!  They are getting on my already crampy nerves. 

Deep Breaths...

I have got to snap out of this mood.  I have got to realize how wonderful my life is.  How blessed I am.  I feel God present in my life like never before.  When I read my Bible at night, I feel God speaking to me.  When I hear worship music, I hear God speaking to me.  When I am reading this book about Praying scripture over my children, I am feeling God's presence.  When I am reading this book about being a Happier Mother, God is speaking to me about valuing myself, the importance of including Godly women in my life and having a strong faith.  But somehow, I still feel blah.  at the hospital and at home. 

It has got to be the hormones and this next week will bring a brighter outlook!

Friday, day 74

Today was a little weird, because I worked at the hospital and I never work on Fridays.  Needless to say I was a little confused and kept writing the 7th on everything.  Which doesn't make any sense at all.

I did however say little prayer and walk into the cable office after work.  I didn't bomb the place or threaten anyone.  I walked in calm and met the nicest man.  the Lord was really watching over me, because I was a hormonal pissed off mommy!  Dangerous!  This nice man fixed all of my problems and I walked out with what I had 2 days ago for 1/2 the price.  Now that is what should have happened yesterday and my day wouldn't have SUCKED!!  I picked up my chidren as a happy mom and celebrated with Chick-fil-A.  Not a bad way to start the weekend!

Thursday, day 73

Actually I only needed to make it though the day without stabbing someone.  It was the worst day for me!  Between the awful cramps, enraging hormones and unfriendly people at Time Warner Cable, I almost lost my mind!  I don't think that I can even begin to explain how bad it was.  All I can say is that is ruined my day with my kids and as a mother, that pisses me off!  I have nothing left for my husband after arguing with those stupid people for 2.5 hours.  I was completely defeated...  I just had to pray that I don't kill anyone when I go into the Time Warner cable office tomorrow to cancel my cable.  Let's just say it was bad enough, that a margarita couldn't even make me feel better!

Wednesday, day 72

Happy 4th of July!  Today I am thankful that my forefathers declared their independence from a country who was forcing their rules of law and religion.  So that I could be a part of a country that would give me the FREEDOM to worship my God.  "God bless America.  My home sweet home!"

And to celebrate we had a roasting hot picnic at Crowder's Mtn followed by naps for all.  We went to the pool and watched fireworks just like last night.  It was a great end to two wonderful days together as a family.

Tuesday, day 71

Today we had a family fun 1/2 day at Carowinds.  It was only 101 degrees outside with 70% humidity, but we survived and even kept the kids awake until after we got home so everyone could get a nap!  Yeah baby!  That's how you do it!

Somehow, my ability to keep the house "clean" has spilled a bit.  Don't get me wrong, in the last 70 days I have not gone to bed but one time (2 days ago) with a dirty kitchen.  Just so you know, it sucked to wake up and see the sink full of dishes and know that the dishwasher was full of clean dishes and that it was going to require effort to straighten up.  I will have to work on that not happening again.  I guess, I have not really cared about really cleaning in the last couple of days because I was too busy sleeping or wiping snot.  Just a thought, not an excuse!

Oh yeah, and Matt has basically bailed on our Bible reading plan.  He will listen to me while I read whatever chapter from the New Testament, but after that I just read quietly and try not to fall asleep.  I mean I understand where he is coming from, Leviticus is difficult to read.  Difficult to understand, strange to imagine (throwing blood on the side of the alter sounds really messy) and difficult to stay awake.  I am trying to get something out of it...  Although reading 2 chapters from Leviticus if hard, I am enjoying a Proverb each night.  Some verses apply directly to my life.
    * Let not you heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all day.  Prov. 23:17
  I think sometimes as a mother, you compare yourself to others.  I have to remind myself that not everyone around me is walking in the way of the Lord, therefore I need not want to be like them.

Monday, day 70

So, last night I learned that one of the doctors that I use to work with in the Emergency Department at CMC Main died, unexpectedly yesterday.  It put quite the damper on the mood today.  I prayed for his family that he left behind.  I prayed that he was with Jesus and that his family had peace knowing that he was with Jesus. 
It made me revisit my fears that I have people in my life that I love and I don't know where they would be if they died tomorrow.  It is such a scary feeling and for some reason I feel helpless.  Not because I don't believe that God can change people, but because I believe that God wants me to help lead some of these people to Himself and I don't know how.  I mean, why is it that it is "easy" to tell a perfect stranger about Jesus?  Or why can you speak so freely with friends or people you know do NOT believe, but you find it most hard to speak to those you love?  My dad for example.  Why am I not sure about his salvation?  Why did he not want to go to church?  Why doesn't he "want to talk about it"?  Why am I scared to bring it up?  Well, I do have the answer to that one.  My brother has tried and was quickly shot down.  I am afraid that I will bring it up and it will end badly, then ruin the little amount of time we get to share together.  Definitely something to pray about...

Although today was a bit solemn, I worked 1/2 a day at the hospital and everyone is feeling a bit better.  We get to enjoy the next two day off together as a family.  Yay!

Thursday, day 66- Sunday, day 69

I know this is super gross, but this is basically what my last 4 days has looked like.  It has been anywhere from 100-105 degrees outside and I have been stuck inside all day with SNOTTY kids.  I am not feeling great either.  My version of this cold is just making me exhausted.  Thankfully, I do not have this (see above picture) problem myself, but boy my children have! 

This is all I have.  The weekend was miserably hot and we were too sick to get out and do anything.  My house would have imploded if Matt hadn't been home to help me with keeping it picked up and mildly clean.  Next week will be busy.

Wednesday, day 65

Today  was another day at the hospital.  I need to find a good name for these days.  It is almost like a 1/2 day at my primary job at home, but really it is less than that.  Although, I am almost doing an entire days work in 5 hours between 4pm and 9pm. 

When I got home we played for a little bit and then we got things ready for Jonathan to skip swim teama nd try a soccer camp.  We got him a little soccer ball last night.  He was so excited and doesn't even know what he is doing.

Well it was so much fun!  Matt was able to get off work a little early and meet us at the field.  This little camp is being hosted by the church we are attending, Exodus.  They separated the kids by age and Jonathan was learning to kick the ball and run with about 12 other little boys and girls.  He listened so well and played and had so much fun! 

But, poor Ethan :(  He wanted to play so bad, but it was for 4+ and plus, he was so snotty.  He cried for Jonathan (or "Jonython" as he says).  He kept saying, "I want to play with my Jonython"  It was sweet, but sad.  Maybe tomorrow and definately next year.  As for now, maybe I have a little soccer player on my hands!

As for my Bible reading plan.  So, I don't know if it is the plan that we are reading or if Matt just busted my bubble, but he said he didn't want to read the Bible like this anymore.  We are reading 1 chapter (or sometimes 1/2 if it is long) in New Testament, 1 chapter starting from beginning of Old Testament and then a Psalm or Proverb.  For the last 40 days we have been reading at least 2 chapters in Exodus per night and it is HARD!  Reading all the instructions on building the Tabernacle every night is really trying!  I think he is burned out!  There has got to be a better way to read.  Even I almost fall asleep reading about 2 cubits the height and 1 cubit the bredeth.  It is hard and I am not retaining or learning anything.  Wonder if there are some other options...

Tuesday, day 64

Today was a busy day at the hospital, but when I got home we got to go to the pool. I was excited, because last Thursday Jonathan decided he wanted to learn to swim by joining the swim team.  He did such a great job on his first day and was so excited about practice today. 

Funny, somehow he didn't want to listen or follow instructions today. With me or anyone else.  The coach was a no show at practice and there was only one helper for the 4 year olds.  Basically it was a huge waste of time before he ever got started. Then he realized, "I don't actually have to swim or listen.  I can just float and she will carry me through the water to the wall."  That is NOT what I was interested in watching while I was sweating buckets in the sun.  Plus, there were other kids watching him take his sweet time, waiting for their turn.  Time to get out!

I had to take a minute and step back.  I have promised myself and asked God to keep me true to this promise.  I WILL NOT BE THAT MOTHER!  You know the mother that forces her children to do sports they don't want to do.  The mother that takes all of the fun out of every activity by making it a competition or never accepting that her child just doesn't want to.  I want my kids to try new things and not be a quitter, but if they don't like it, fine.  If they don't want to go to practice, then they don't play.  Plus, I am NOT going to over schedule.  I heard one mom friend of mine say her kids were comitted to one sport or activity per semester.  I think that is a great idea.  We will see how that works.

So back to today:  He said he wanted to keep swimming when I asked him to get out of the pool.  He was so busy playing with a leaf that was floating in the pool he wasn't kicking or doing anything.  I told him that he had don't well today, but that other kids wanted to swim too and if he didn't feel like following instructions and actually swimming today, we were going to do something else.  He was about to cry, but I told him to swim or get out and we would have icecream.  He agreed and we went to the Belmont Soda Shoppe for a milkshake.  God gave us the MOST beautiful day to enjoy the park before we melt later this week.  It was perfect! 

Hopefully I haven't discouraged Jonathan, but if he doesn't want to swim, he doesn't have to.  We will see.

Monday, day 63

This is how this week is going to go!  I have the best intentions and I wake up smiling.  The kids are rested and so am I.  But, somehow, they SUCK the niceness and happy mommy right out of me!!

It may also be hormones...

Either way, my goal this week is to start praying for my children.  I was reading on Pinterest about a great book all about praying scripture over your children.  So, I updated my Amazon account with a working credit number (since mine got stollen after my last purchase on Amazon.com) and bought the book on my Kindle.  I hope that this helps me choose the right prayer for each stage for my children..  We will see.

TODAY- Sunday, day 62

HA HA!

I can blog enough to catch up and still blog on the exact day!

Today, we made it back to church.  I might not have been moved by the music today, but I was inspired by the message.  The pastor preached out of Luke 18:1.  He pointed out (and I love this), that Luke went ahead and pointed out the summary, before he told the parrable that Jesus shared.

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

18 And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. ² He said, “In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. ³ And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’ ⁴ For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, ‘Though I neither fear God nor respect man, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.’” ⁶ And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge says. ⁷ And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? ⁸ I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”

I felt this overwhelming urge to improve my prayer life.  I feel comfortable talking to God, but the pastor reminded me to pray like a child does.  Or ask like a child does.  He joked, by saying that when our kids ask us for something they don't say, "Oh Father, we are not worthy of dessert because we did not eat all of our dinner, but if it pleases you can you bless us with some dessert."  Instead, they say, "can I have dessert" or at my house, "Mommy, get me dessert!"  It is not that I don't want to be respectful, but especially when I pray out loud, I am sure that I will mess up or sound unsure or uneasy. I should have faith and let the Holy Spirit take over and just talk to God.  It is really not that hard.

So tonight I will work on my prayer to God, for myself and my children.

Saturday, day 61

Finally got back into the groove and read my Bible reading plan last night this Matt.  Were reading from Proverbs 13 and when Matt read this verse,
                     Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
                                Proverbs 13: 24

This makes me feel like a better mom when I have to punish.  Yesterday, Jonathan got in trouble and I sent him to his room and he was crying and I heard him say to Ethan that I didn't love him anymore.  I was heart broken to hear him say that.  I went directly to his room and should have read this passage to him, but instead, I hugged him and tried to explain how I will always love him, even though there are times I don't like him very much.  If only they knew how it hard is for a parent to disciple your children sometimes.

My day was crazy today with a bridal shower and Jonathan's preschool picnic, but they kids napped, had fun and we even met some new people at the picnic.  On to tomorrow, where we will finally get another family day.

Friday, day 60

If this worked for anyone I invited over, I would never have to clean!

Thursday, day 59

this is the mantra of the day!

Anyway, I woke up to a clean kitchen!!  Have I meantioned my husband is AWESOME!

Which is amazing since I went to bed early with a headache and left Matt to feed everyone and do all the bedtime routine alone.  Not that he hasn't ever done it before or that he can't keep the kitch clean, but I think he realizes that I am making a effort to keep this house in order and he helped me!

This was an awesome start to a very busy day!  I had to take Jonathan to Speech Therapy at 8am ( I was still 1/2 asleep). After ST we had a great play date at the pool with some other MOPS moms.  Thankfully the boys were worn out after 4 hours at the pool.  They took a great nap and I was able to journal from last week (ha ha, tha tis funny!).

After 1/2 naps I woke Jonathan for his first swim lessons with the SWIM TEAM!  He did so good and I was so proud of him! When the practice was over I crammed in some pizza and ran off to my MOPS steering meeting.

THANKFULLY, we were able to kick back a little at this meeting and I had some much needed giggles.  Stayed up WAY too late, which doesn't help my constant fatigue, but it was worth it!

Tuesday day 57-Wednesday day 58

Both of these days were work days at my "other" job.  When I got home from work on Tuesday, Matt surprised me with this beautiful antique dining room hutch that I love!  He had a Daddy Day with the boys all day and they decided to go antique shopping.  Somehow, I have convinced my kids that it is fun to go yardsaling and antique shopping.  I am really smart and I better enjoy this before they figure out that it isn't that much fun for them. Tuesday night we went to the pool after I got home.  Somehow, we are making the very most off of not having any money and running out of groceries.  It is interesting to say the least.

Wednesday I ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off at the hospital and then finished off my day with an Ultrasound of my thyroid.  That sucked!  It was uncomfortable and basically laying upside down for 20 minutes, gave me an awful headache!  When the nice girl was doing the ultrasound she started asking me questions that got my mind racing.  It was probably a simple question she asks all of her patients who are getting their thyroid scanned, but somehow it started to worry me.  The pesky devil on my shoulder was making me worry!  I don't worry!!  I started thinking that she must be asking me these questions because she sees something worrisome. I actually had to close my eyes and pray for God to help me let go and give it all to Him.  Even after I prayed, I continued to repeat, " I am giving this to you, Jesus" over and over until I actually felt better.  It is crazy sometimes how the devil can creep in and use your thoughts when you are most vulnerable.

Wednesday when I got home, I was so exhausted, just thinking about how much I needed to do in the next three days made me want to take a nap.  Plus, the headache was killing me!  I just shut down.

I laid down on the couch and the kids ran wild until Matt got home.  There was no dinner, crazy hungry kids running around and I was just laying on the couch.  I didn't read my Bible or pray before bed, I just went to bed.  I felt horrible and can't wait to wake up to a better day tomorrow.

Monday, day 56

I seriously think that the fatigue is worse.  I am just praying that this medicine will kick in soon.  I can't keep up with anything.  I am blah most days and I have beaten the kids to bed twice in the past three days.   I can't keep up with this blog... I REALLY need to get off of this donkey.  But, I can't seem to keep up...  I need to just jump ahead and get this over with!

Saturday day 54-Sunday day 55

Somehow we blew almost all of our allotted money this pay period.  So this made for a creative Father's Day weekend.  We went to the pool a lot and on Sunday we climbed Crowder's MTN again.  Matt really wanted to  go camping, but thankfully he realized that he was the only one that wanted to do that, and he changed his mind (or gave up).  I made a little craft from Pinterest for his gift.  It was the sweetest little poem with the boys footprints.  It was actually a lazy, no money weekend.

Friday, day 53

Today was such a blah day!  I didn't get out of my jammies until well after noon.  Not because I was sick or didn't sleep well.  I just didn't want to.  I am so tired.  That's not an excuse, it is a symptom.  I was diagnosed with Sub-Clinical Hypothyroidism.  It explains a lot of my life- tired all the time, weight gain, hair falling out, decreased sex drive, increased headaches and a sexy goiter (which is new, by the way). All of these symptoms have increased recently.  Years ago, I thought I had hypothyroidism and had labs done and was told they were normal and my symptoms (mild at the time) were "hormonal".  My naive self, believed that this was the answer.  In the last 4 years, I had excuses of being a mother and being busy.  Once I had some labs drawn last month, I was convinced, maybe I do have a problem or reason for how I am feeling.  So today, I started my day with a medication that will hopefully make me feel better.  I wish it was instant relief.  It will take 4-6 weeks to see any results or changes in how I feel.  Until then, I will try to make the most of these days and pray for healing. 

That's all I have for today.

Thursday, day 52

I did it!  I lead my first Steering meeting as the Coordinator!  I was a little nervous, but that was all gone when I spent 3 frustrating minutes trying to open the door to the church.  I kicked, pulled, pushed and almost cursed it.  then I took a deep breath and prayed that God would help me.  OMG, it opened!  It was almost as good as when Jonathan called me to his room the other day when he was supposed to be napping and asked me to pray with his and ask God to make it stop raining; it did!

Today, I felt the Holy Spirit when I was sharing how God had spoken to me and is leading me in leadership this year.  You know, so people say that you can do anything with determination.  I say, you can do all things through Christ!