Monday, Day 28

Today was a "other" job day.  I am really starting to think that God wants me to be a Mom only and quit this nursing thing.  I am feeling more fulfilled at home with my primary job and more frustrated at my "other" job trying to be useful and make a difference.  My morning prayer when I leave the house to go to the hospital is to feel like I am making a difference.  Unfortunately, more often than not I am not feeling like it even matters if I show up or not.  Obviously, we need the money and that part of going to the hospital makes a difference, but when I am there...I am not feeling it.  The question is: Has my job changed or am I just feeling more fulfilled at home?  If my primary job and the duties that I am missing while I am away are making me not enjoy my time away at the hospital.  So many women who worked before they had kids look at returning to work as an opportunity to escape the house and have adult conversations.  I thought that way on some level too.  But, now since I don't feel useful at the hospital, I feel like I am missing valuable time with my kids, losing time that I could have cleaning the kitchen floor.  I have been meaning to clean it for the past several days, but when I get home things are so crazy and rushed.  Plus, I don't feel like cleaning, I haven't seen my kids all day.  Personally, if I am going to miss the time with my kids and end up with more cleaning a the end of the day, I would rather have gone somewhere and had FUN while I was gone.

Hmm... I guess I am going to have to figure out how to get paid for my job at the house.  Then I realize, this is exactly how Matt feels everyday X 100%. Maybe I should complain.  I only work outside of the home 2 days a week.  It could be worse!

Needless to say, I was at the hospital from 6:50-3:15.  Then I left for a staff meeting at another hospital at 7 and didn't get home until 9:30.  Watch out!  I got to spend a whopping 3 hours with my kids and 20 minutes with my husband today!

I have felt very productive as a mother today... (enter sarcastic laugh)  Better luck tomorrow!